God Squad

General Information

God Squad is a fighting-focused Unit dedicated to the progression of the sport and community. Each member of God Squad assumes a secondary alias, one that references religion. God Squad does not have a leader, and instead is a democratic collective where all members are equal, regardless of seniority.

Colors: White, Gold, and Black
Symbols: Nail, Wings, Halo, and other religious iconography.
Rituals: Disciple Trials, induction into disciplehood prior to The Pabstism, an endurance expedition for new members.
Alliances: HellHammer, Gelfen Empire, Blackwater, Horde
Street Cred & Propaganda: News article on the Pabstism, Sploob.tv Video Segment

History

2005: God Squad was created by Melee Moses, BattleChrist, and Combat Cain (Matt McDonald) in the realm of Ebonhold, Idaho Falls, Idaho.

Armageddon IV: Melee Moses and BattleChrist replaced the original Combat Cain role with Ruben.

Chaos Wars 9 2005: They added to their ranks: Bishop, Kurgan, Dyse, Morwen, and Loki. Because of the name "God Squad" they were taken as a joke unit and underestimated. At the end of this Chaos Wars, all members of GS were added to or joined the Gelfs as well, and seen as their sub-unit.

Thaw Brawl 06: Brutus was the first member to barrel into God Squad. After completing the barrel, he was raised above the crowd of people, representing the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. He was then struck in the testicles.

Chaos Wars 10 2006: God Squad faced off against the Gelfen Empire's Beta Team in the 10-man tournament and was beaten. They quickly rose to glory in the controversial Banner Battles and became an invaluable force against their archrivals, The Elite Blood Falcons. The EBF were soon defeated and Iowa took home the Chaos Banner. GS also allowed an honorary member to join, Dagmar.

Chaos Wars 11 2007: The unit, disenfranchised by the lack of efficiency in it's current membership being beholden to the Gelfen Empire, separated and became it's own established team.

Chaos Wars 12 2008: God Squad created a trial and agreed to welcome three new members into its roster of fighters. Aleksii, Kanon, and Shino were all barreled into the unit by means of a 30 minute marathon trial, which was brutal and exhausting. This capped off an already successful day as God Squad had risen to the challenge and took home the victory during The Battle of the Gods. The points won during these battles ensured that God Squad --for the first time-- would win the Chaos Banner as Chaos Wars Champions.

Chaos Wars 13 2009: drunk by lunch.

Chaos Wars 14 2010: drunk by lunch.

Chaos Wars 15 2011: God Squad barreled in 3 new members. It was a baptism of vicious swordsmanship as the new members endured a marathon of pain and defeat. When it was done, Troll, Elerosse, and Rope all became the newest members of the Church and agreed hence fourth to do God's work on the field.

Chaos Wars 16 2012: God Squad, once again allied with Hellhammer & Friends, but were out-done by the crafty Catalyst Clan, losing out on any chance to take home the Chaos Banner. But not all was lost. They won the Unit Cloak through the now legendary God-Hammer Alliance. This outing also saw the creation of the Wizard Council of Archmages a DARPing spin-off unit comprised of mostly God Squad members.

Chaos Wars 17 2013: The final year at Silver Bell Ranch. Much wizarding and debauchery was had. We forgot everything that happened for the most part.

Chaos Wars 18 2014: God Squad barreled in two new members, Coop & Fish. Godalyst, a new alliance with the Catalyst clan, won the 10-man tournament, tearing through every team it faced, including the Brotherhood of the Falcon. And to top off an incredible year, GS used their skills in wheelin' n' dealin', on and off the field, to secure a major win and take home the Chaos Banner for a second time.

Western Wars XIV 2015: God Squad barreled in three new members, Dagganoth, Wadu & Krow.

Chaos Wars 19 2015: The crust is a must.

Chaos Wars 20 2016: Barreled in two new members, Sare & Marrick. Also fought hard for the banner, but were outmaneuvered by the sneaky alliances of Blacklyst (Catalyst and Blackwater) and Skal (Uruk-Hai, Pirates, Germania, Romans, Juggernaughts, Juggalos, and the Illuminati). GS still went hard in the paint for battle and on Tournament Day took home 6 trophies; Single Blue, Open Red, Champion, Two Man, Four Man, and Ten Man. Quality over quantity.

Chaos Wars 21 2017: Another year out-crafted by alliances and supergroups, God Squad still fought admirably on and off the field for the Chaos Banner. God Squad also won the Do-Deca-Deathalon contest after a tight race against the Gelf/EBF Alliance.

Battle for the Ring X 2018: Barreled in one new member, Finnish. Nothing else memorable happened this year, or all the memories got lost in the time void; we aren't sure which. Either way, the Wizards are to blame.

Western Wars XV 2018: God Squad attempted and succeeded in one of its most brutal Pabstisms ever, and barreled in four new members. Scorpion Bob, Bran ap Eynon, Veithryn, and BEAЯ. Harsh living conditions couldn't stop us from destroying the field, the trials, and the barrels. #GodSquatters. The Jar of Visions chose us.

Chaos Wars 22 2018: The heat, the sweat, the chafed thighs. Once again, Idaho's disgusting atmosphere tried to destroy God Squad, but they pulled through in the end. Facilitating the birth of The Death Cult, Trash Camp was a highlight for all as usual. Also igniting the fire that was Team Rocket, we successfully infiltrated the Authority's Banner fights until we were accepted, then didn't show up. Stick it to the man. Amongst the final days of our heat prison, we barreled in the dude Ace. Injuries and Vomit couldn't stop him from succeeding, and he became a full Brother. For the Nth year in a row, Aleksii brutalized the Highlander Tournament and emerged victorious.

Battle for the Ring XI 2019: Though their numbers were small, the force behind God Squad was engorged. Fueled by a hatred for mud and raging hard-ons, they partied on. GS fought valiantly at Wadu's side in the final battle. At night, the Death Cult rose up, bringing in massive numbers of travelers, wizards, and witches alike. If you see a werewolf, FUCK 'EM, though. Many journeys into the void were made alongside our Hell Brethren. The wizards appeared to cuck yet another storm, summoning a shooting star to seal the fucking deal. In the bleary, crusty eyed hours of the Saturday Sunset, GS and friends ~~beat the shit out of~~ barreled in our newest big boi, Fumbles.

Western Wars XVI 2019: Low-energy, thick mud, ACAB. God Squad collected in a murky forest and promptly forgot the next three days, sans one deep-run mission. OPERATION BEEF BULGOGI was a wild success, crafted by wizards ABDUCTED into the darkest timeline and fighting to get out. A trash fire broke out, but GS stood up to lead the people of Western Wars through the crusty flames.

Chaos Wars 23 2019: Thinned, but sturdy, God Squad caravan'd into the crumbly, grubby bug vortex of Rupert yet again. The darkest timeline reared its head once more, trying to take members out at every step; FUCK ICE and don't talk shit on an e-scooter at full speed. This couldn't stop God Squad from becoming Masters of the A E S T H E T I C R E A L M and taking home the banner with an assist from Trash Camp and Stich. HUSTLE, HUSTLE, HUSTLE. We did it for the Bolivar. This is the new Vatican, bitch. FAT CATS MAKE STACKS. The underground gambling market grew. Fumbles placed in the open red tournament.

War of Wrath VIII 2019: The Squad assembled once again into the mindless heat that is California, delirious and full of cum. Having seen our prowess on the field and our rabble rousing off, Horde prayed to the Gods for salvation, with offerings of viscous elixers and plenty of cum for the Cum Bucket. We heard them, but refrained from immediate response, as Gods are fucking busy. Late into the night, the mind-altering substances took hold; too much cum was spilled, hot stones were cast, and demons were purged. The birth of the YEAR OF CUM. This was the darkest timeline.

Battle for the Ring XII 2020: Despite all the meteorological conditions attempting to prevent the collection of Gods, the Squad prevailed and descended upon the muddy-ass lands of California to spread debauchery and fucking dope japes. Having been approached by Horde to form the UNHOLY ALLIANCE, the Squad penned a long and righteous scroll in response, confirming that they would stand alongside the many-faced children to drive back the feathered devils and the believers in the False Makers. The ceremony was christened with a communion of cheesened horns and shotgunned nectar. As another day dawned, God Squad appeared upon the hill, ready to beat in a new slew of deities. Doku and Voss were both battered and bullied with the vicious love of our brothers, until they emerged holy and risen above the peasants in a harsh and violent Pabstism. Our disciples spilt blood, and in the end, we were stronger than ever. With the newly formed UNHOLY ALLIANCE, we took victory in Unit Battles, and showcased to the realms that we are a fucking force to be reckoned with. THE SQUAD CALLS AND HORDE CUMS. saaaaaad.

Battle for the Ring XIV 2022: Apparently if you sit on a couch in the middle of Trash Camp, you can meet God. This might be fake, who knows.

Battle for the Ring XV 2023: The squad was small, and the floods from the Sky Demons were too strong. Nothing of note happened here, because the boys were too busy trying to swim to shore (there was no shore.). Mud Pits and Dip Shits for real.

Western Wars XVII 2023: gs presents. God Squad ran Western Wars, after swearing they were gonna do it for the last 3 years of plague. Such a holy pact being upheld was christened by the Great Weather, with sun, dry ground~~, and....ticks? Scratch that last part~~. The Town Guard (Aleksii, Brutus, Bishop, and Kade) ferried the peasants between the two cities, Upper Camp and Lower Camp (lower camp had a shitty mayor, we should vote him out next year) and traversed the lands to ensure that GS spread its seed wherever the light touched. Veithryn, Bear, Shino, and Bishop headed the event. This is our event now, you can't kick us out. We literally live here. Collectively, the squad was in high spirits, drank high spirits, and got high with spirits. They say you can still hear the banging on the night winds, and the faint roars of Conan in the trees. Overall, it was a success, and was etched in to stone to be remembered for ever.

Battle for the Ring XVI 2024: We straight gassin', cuttin' straight to the bricks. Haha, this shit ain't nothin' to me, man. We smokin' Runtz in every trial. On and off the court, straight fundamentals, no funny business. This shit ain't nothin' to me, man. Movin' like Dracula, we get it back in blood. You see it? I really did this. I'm really him. False wizards aren't shit for the Dogman. Flipped a whole brick into an empire. Stop playing with me. Voss made these boys buHURT, got them clutching their grills. I have no sympathy. I live for this shit. This shit ain't nothin' to me, man. I'm nice wit' it, haha! My money long. My pockets deep. No pocket watchin' in these parts. We straight gassin', cuttin', straight to the bricks. Chanel optics got me seein' shit.

Western Wars XVIII 2024: Well, howdy pardner. Musta been a long one out on that dusty trail. Help yerself to a can o' beans (they're mighty fine), pull up a log, and sit a spell. I'll spin a yarn o' the rootinest, tootinest wars ever seen in the Ol' West. Well, the ol gang rode west to rustle up a fresh cowpoke, startin' his ol' journey on the way to Godhood. Voss had quite a time of it too, I reckon. The gang hitched wagons with the Hellhammer Gang to give ol Voss the what-for. Then, by night-fall and the owl's hoot, did we sure hear one hell of a toot. In fact, there was terror in the trees and a reel big fish appeared. The Skablin King, an Outlaw and leader of the ol' Skablins, why he rampaged through the town and before we all knew it, we was skankin' like pickles. No Doubt in our minds that the Skablin King will return one day to skank us into a hole as the Mightiest Boss.

Chaos Wars 25 2024: Only scraps of the squad made it to the dust bowl. The grubby vortex we knew and hate was surprisingly temperate and livable for once. Veithryn stood at the head of the CHAOS WAR GAMES (aka glad pits) and led her rag-tag crew of trashy wrestlers through a lightning storm to cause ruckus and it was a smashing success. Fish, Fumbles, Voss, and Sare championed the event and made sure nobody walked away without a good ol' smackdown. In lieu of the spitting heat and hungry bugs, muad'dib took control of the camp and tunnel his way through every wall in his way. LISAN AL'GAIB. A holy procession descended upon Feast amongst hushed whispers and Gregorian chants. God Squad helped Hellhammer take the final spot on the Chaos Banner before it was retired.