Rue da Kobold

From Puck, dee great old kobold storyteller

Do you know why all Kobolds of high aspiration keep their right arm bare?

Acknowledgment.

The bare right arm is done to pay homage to the ingenuity of a great kobold of the past.

This is one story of that Kobold, and creation of the term "Rue the day"

"In a time before all words were words, and the armies and kings of the pinkys were new to the land, there lived a Kobold named Rue.
Like any Kobold, Rue was smart, and greedy. Unlike most, though, he was missing his right hand. This happened in a prior story, to be told at another time.

Being down a limb, though, did not make him less ambitious, and when he saw a treasure, he got that treasure. Such was true for a particularly pretty jeweled dagger belonging to the first King of the land.
Now, Rue didn't know it at the time, but this dagger was incredibly important to the King and his Kingdom; It was used during the ceremony to select a new king, and pinkies, chained by honor, could not crown a new king without it. And the king was tired, and old. He sent his men to go kill the kobold, and retrieve the dagger. None came back. He felt, though, that his time was near, so he issued a decree: He who can bring me the dagger and the head of the monster will become the new king, and have the utmost command of all my armies.
And that meant the utmost command. The First king's army was so loyal to their commander that they would fall on their own swords if ordered; on their honor.
The king briefly worried that he might be forsaking his bloodline, but had his pride in his blood; the best four warriors in all of the land were his own sons, after all. They would surely defeat this foul little beast, and succeed him.

His youngest son insisted he go first. He was the most prideful of them all, the Slingman. Rue caught word of this, and for a moment, feared. The Slingman had killed many foes with his rocks, always hitting his opponent right between the eyes. Rue knew that he could not win in a direct fight against this foe, after all, rocks killed you if they hit you in the head, and his brains were huge! It was an easy target. He got to thinking, though... what if... he could protect his head, so that if a rock hit it, he would not die? After a night of fervent work, he'd completed his creation. It was armor, but, specifically for the head. He called it, a Hel-Met.

The day when the Slingman came to him, standing and boasting in a prideful way. "STAND, BEAST! Die with pride!" He'd caught Rue sleeping. The one armed Hero rubbed sleep from his eyes, and then climbed to his knees. "O Grate Slingman! I am a small, weak creature, with only one hand." He said, "By your pride, if I may take a moment to get dressed before we fight, you can fight me at my best!" The Slingman paused, and then nodded, granting the Kobold time to prepare.
Rue strapped on his invention, and then without warning charged toward the prince.
The prideful man didn't even run, instantly loading his sling and launching a rock.
THOK!
It was the sound he'd heard hundreds of times before, and it usually meant his opponent was already dead, but the kobold kept advancing, using the very jeweled dagger the Slingman had come to get to plunge into his heart.
While trying to make sense of it all, the Slingman sputtered. "You... You cheated... had you no pride?"
Rue simply said back. "Oh Slingman... You had pride. I had a Hel-Met. Now you are dead."

The king heard of his son's death, and was outraged; He decided to send his most skilled son, the second youngest.
The Spearman's skill was known across the land, none could walk into his range and survive.
Rue heard about the second son coming his way, and for a moment, worried. He might be able to face him in his prime, but he was missing his hand. He had to think of something... Ah! What if he could make something that looked like a spear, but was actually an arrow you could throw? A great idea! After a long night of working he finished his invention; Tying the dagger to a short stick. He decided to call it a JA-VEL-IN.
When he encountered the spearman, skillful as one could get, he stood just outside of the man's range, and waved happily. "Hello Spearman! We are going to fight with spears today, may de best man win!" The Spearman scoffed, but nodded. "O, Spearman, I know you cannot trust me, but you are so skillful, so you know I cannot take another step before you kill me. Cuz of that, I know you will freely look when I tell you to look at the bear behind you!"
The Spearman doubted there was a bear behind him. He would have heard it, but the little lizard had a point; even if he looked away, he had enough time to see that nothing was there, turn back, and kill the kobold before he got close enough to use that tiny spear against him. He looked.
Rue pulled back the Ja-Vel-In and let loose. By the time the Spearman looked back, a tiny stick was in his chest.
He coughed, "Underhanded! H- Have you no skill?"
Rue ginned and replied. "O Spearman... You had skill... I had a Ja-Vel-In. Now you are dead."

The King was incensed. Two of his sons had fallen. He quieted his rage, though, and sent his most honorable son next. The Sheildman was the picture of Honor. His defense was so solid that he'd never come close to feeling the touch of enemy steel on his flesh.
Rue heard the third son was after him, and was certainly concerned. He would not be able to get around that shield with just one hand. How would he ever win? Brilliance struck him. He would tie the dagger to a rope, and then tie that rope to the stick from before! He called his invention... a F-LAIL
The Shieldman came just after lunch the next day. "You must be a worthy opponent, I commend you on the defeat of my brothers, though it pains me to say it." Rue caught on quick. "O Shieldman, can you not see? The fight with your brothers has left me injured? I am small, weak, and only have one hand. You are Hon'rbable, no? Won't you let me attack you first before you kill me?"
The Shieldman thought for a moment. No one could get past his shield, the greatest swordsmen of the time had all tried, and this creature was clearly missing an arm. It would be honorable for him to allow the first swing. "You may."
Just as he finished the statement, Rue was half way through his swing- The Shieldman lifted his heater, and felt the dagger wrap around and into his back.
His eyes wide, he fell to the ground, muttering. "An attack from behind... Have you no Honor?"
Quickly, so he could hear it before he died, Rue whispered into his ear "O Shieldman... You had Hon'r. I had a F-Lail. Now you are dead."

The king was mad. Three of his sons had perished. He'd known it all along he should have sent his eldest, the Archer, in the first place. Pride, Skill, Honor. He had all of these qualities in spades. He sent him to finish it, exclaiming that he would wait in his thrown room to crown his son King when he got back. The Archer was an unbeatable opponent. From the castle ramparts he could kill anyone in all of the land if they stood outside. He hadn't stepped in thus far because he respected his father's decision to send his brothers. When Rue heard the final son was after him, he was relaxed. He waited in a cave for the Archer to come to him.

The Archer was smart. He came to the cave, but didn't step into the mouth. "Foul beast! You have killed my brothers, but I will end you and become the king! Step out that I may end this!"
Out from the cave a little voice wandered out. "O Archer... Oh Archer... I am a small creature. Have you no pride? If you did, you would step into the cave, and fight me on even ground."
The Archer could not deny his pride, and the monster was small by all reports. He could step into the cave and still kill him the second he showed himself. He did so.
"I have done as you asked, creature! Now reveal yourself and die!"
"O Archer, O Archer... They say you could shoot me ten times before I reached you... Have you no Skill? If you did, you would take another step into the cave."
The Archer was visibly fuming. How could this weak creature insult HIS skill? He stepped in further. "Alright, foul beast, I have stepped further in! Now show yourself, I will make your death quick!"
"Oh Archer. O Archer. I only have one hand. Surely, if you had any Hon'R, you would take one. Last. Step. To make this a fair fight."
The Archer sneered, Of course he was Honorable! He would not have this lizard claim he was not!
He took another step, and then fell into a pit, dying instantly.
Out from his hiding spot, Rue wandered, sitting at the edge of the drop off.
"Oh Archer... Pride, Skill, Hon'R? You had all of these, and in the end, I lived, and you died."

The King waited in his great hall, for word of his Son's success. The door opened, and in strode a little monster with one arm.
Rue stood before the king, the dagger in his hand, and uttered the king's words back at him: "He who can bring me the dagger and the head of the monster will become the new king, and have the utmost command of all my armies." Rue pointed to his own head, and pulled out the dagger.
Speechless, the king stared for a long moment. He then frowned, and placed his crown on the Kobold's head.
Immediately, the order went out. The army was to kill all of the citizens, and then fall on their own swords. Only the former king would be spared. The men wept as they killed their families, and then themselves. The former king watched it all, his heart breaking, and being hollowed out by grief. As the kobold walked out of the dead kingdom, he cherished his new, bright and shiny crown.
And the former First King became the first human to Rue the day he messed with a Kobold."