Calico
Title: Former Captain of The Cerberus
Other Titles: Singer of Songs, Drinker of Liquor, Taker of Women, Good Lord Cheddarbritches[Redacted due to Sexual Innuendo]
Aliases: Captain Tightpants, That Pirate Guy
Race: Human? [Editor's note: [Name Removed], "sex god" is not a recognized race. Please keep off this page]
Weapons of Choice: Florentine Cutlasses
Fighting Since: 2013
Current Status: Missing, Presumed Dead
A pirate sailing from The Iron Forest, Calico first appeared in the public eye in 1715, after sailing his ship, The Cerberus, into Key West in search of a crew. Little is known about him other than his apparent Irish heritage, noble upbringing, and current occupation as a pirate and bard. It is strongly suggested that he was once a naval officer, though this is disputed. He can often be heard speaking broken Italian to maidens who don’t know any better or singing shanties and drinking songs to/with all those in earshot. Calico, while seemingly uninterested in the politics of Belegarth, exhibits fierce loyalty to those he allies himself with, notably Toph and Welshie of Galahad.
When not fighting, drinking, or singing, Calico can be found exhibiting all sorts of gentleman-roguery toward the fairer sex, flirting with lady archers, and instilling deep-seated Stockholm Syndrome in female hostages. Curiously, it is rare that he makes good on these advances. There is, however, one well documented romantic liaison of his known as the Kingston Incident.
The Kingston Incident
The Kingston Incident began when ██████ was seen █████████ with ████ at the █████████ ████. Calico then approached, saying "█████ ███ ██████ ████ ██ ████████." At this point, ██████ began █████████ with Calico , much to ████'s chagrin. Calico and ██████ continued █████████ until ██████ █████████ ████ ███ and ████████ commenced. Then [Redacted due to Graphic Violent Imagery]. Having ███ their ██████, Calico retired to █████████ with several maidens in tow. It is then said that [Redacted due to Graphic Sexual Imagery]. The next morning, the ladies in question (numbering between ██ and ███ depending on sources) left the manor to return to their respective husbands, fiances, or significant others.
Disappearance
Having evaded a Royal Navy patrol, The Cerberus was overtaken by a tropical storm. Captain Calico ordered the hatches battened, sails dampened, and all crew to remain safely below until the storm had ended. In order to ensure the ship's safety, the captain lashed himself to the helm to help control their bearing as best he could and keep the ship from capsizing. As the storm finally blew over, the crew returned to the deck to find Calico gone, the tatters of his coat still lashed to the ship's wheel. A symbolic funeral was held for him at sea and Tossk was elected the new captain of the ship.
Physical Appearance
Blue Royal Navy officer's coat with gold trim and buttons.
White/off white waistcoat.
Red and Gold sash tied around waist with brown leather belt.
Black Baldric
White shirt.
Black cravat knotted loosely at neck.
Black trousers.
Brown boots.
A modicum of fancy hats.
Smoldering stare and lips that [Editor's Note: Dammit, [Name Removed], we told you to keep off this page! Let it go, already!]
Quotes
"Yes, I'm sure I can have another."
"Oh, I'm sorry madame, I thought this was my tent."
"Does anyone know the Seven Drunken Nights?"
"No ma'am, I do not entertain spiders of the trap-door variety."
"I'm not at liberty to say."
"Cara mia, se si fossero qualsiasi più bella, la luna sarebbe nasconde la sua faccia dalla gelosia."
'Here's to our lord divine, who turned the water into wine. Have mercy on we foolish men who'll try to turn it back again."
"[Redacted due to Sexual Content]"
Related Pages
Disclaimer: This page is a work of fiction. It chronicles the fictional persona of Calico. This is not indicative of his actual personality and is to be taken with a grain of salt and a heavy helping of humor.