Hat Troll

Hat Trolls

Hat Trolls are noctournal creatures possessing the most cunning brutality within the Horde. They worship the founder of their race and ideals, Damun. Due to Hat Trolls amazingly short memory they are more likely to forget who Damun is. Part of the Hat Troll ideaology is that whomsoever is the 'biggest' is right. 'Big' in this case refers to not actual size, but height. The Troll who is the tallest wins, without exception. In some cases, several like-minded Trolls will stack themselves ontop of each other, putting the hat of the bottom Troll on the head of the top Troll. Then, the Trolls with which they're arguing are unable to distinguish between the actual Troll and the stack of creatures beginning and ending with said Troll.

Hat Trolls group together into Clans or Tribes which vary in thir members, sometimes being exclusive to Trolls, or containing many other Monsters. These Tribes contain a Maytan, a sort of Tribal Shaman who helps to speak for the Tribe and keeps all of the Lore for those who would like to know it.

Hat Trolls are typically tall, lean, lanky and very quick fighters which prefer nimble flanking to less subtle Line Fighting. Several Hat Trolls can push an entire line into another, thus decimating the line. They are an effective and neccesary part of the Horde, and are a quickly-growing minority.

Recovered Text:

The troll in question was a large example of his kind, with scars that told of many years of violence. His blackened armor was emblazoned with a faded red cross over top a chevron. After many days of quiet coexistence and small-talk I ventured to ask him questions of his race. What follows is his remarkable response:

Ok let's start with the basics and expand from there. Hat Troll garb is comprised of two main components. First you have the hat and secondly you have the trench coat. Both of these come in a variety of styles but they are absolutely necessary. They are what distinguish a hat troll from any other monster. It is important for any race to be visibly distinguishable. One look and you can tell what they are. Trolls are traditionally tall and a bit slender. Usually a minimum of 5'10” for males. Female Hat Trolls are traditionally built differently then male hat trolls but we will touch on that later.

Hat trolls where a hat because of the Sun. The Sun is evil and dangerous. This is true for any one obviously but more so for trolls. This is due to the fact that Hat Trolls hearts are in their heads, along with their brains. Your heart is your most vulnerable organ obviously. If the Sun hits your heart through your eyes you will be terribly weakened. So Hat Trolls wear hats so as to keep the sun from getting into their eyes. Thus protecting their heart and brain.

Now having your heart and brain share the same space does have it's downsides of course. This leads other races to believe trolls are slow or stupid. This is a fallacy Trolls aren't less smart then any one else but due to the cramped space it can take them awhile to compose their thoughts. Hat Trolls are also notoriously forgetful and can rarely remember what they ate for Breakfast let alone what they did last week.

At this point I admit to being astonished at the creature's intelligence and fluency, but dared not interrupt.

Now height is very important to Hat Trolls. Who ever is the tallest is always correct. If there is a disagreement then which ever Hat Troll is the tallest is ruled to be in the right. Now sometimes two or more trolls will get into a heated argument and does not wish to be proven wrong. This leads to the social phenomenon that is Troll stacking. When the Hat Trolls have an argument and wish to prove they are correct they will gather other trolls that are of the same mind as them and stack up on top of each other forming a pile or a series of Hat Trolls sitting on each others shoulders. As long as the One on top is wearing a Hat the other Troll will become confused and think he is arguing with one very tall Hat Troll therefore he must be in the wrong. This can result in two separate stacks of Trolls. Whichever stack is tallest is ruled the victor and has won the argument. This rule does not apply to other races however.

Addendum. If some one, not a Hat Troll, disagrees with what a Hat Troll is saying they are not automaticly correct if they are taller. This was proven by a great Hat Troll mathematician in the widely popular theorem written as follows. The Moon > Trolls > Everyone Else. If there is ever a disagreement amongst Trolls and other races simply refer to the formula above and you should be able to resolve any and all problems that arise.

As far as the creation of life and the universe and earth are concerned trolls were here first. Now that doesn't mean they created it, oh no not at all. It simply means trolls have existed and will always exist. When the world was first created the trolls thought hey that looks like a nice place good job, insert any deity here, I think we'll live there. Trolls are immortal and have no beginning and no end. We have always been. If some one ever tells you about some story involving their God we will simply agree with them and add that we were there for that and thought it was kinda neat. Trolls do not have a pantheon of Gods nor any singular god. Neither do we disagree that other peoples gods exist. Some of us were there in fact when their god did that thing and overall it was a fun thing to watch. This is especially true when two separate races disagree on which god did what. We agree with both of them even though it is contradictory.

The closest thing that Hat Trolls have to a god is the Moon or as Hat Trolls call it Da' Muun, this is referring to the same object but in two different ways. This is due to several reasons. First of all is that the giant rock in the sky at night lights up the night so that we can see but it doesn't give us burns or make it hot. It's great while the Sun overall sucks. In fact the Sun is afraid of the Moon, or Da' Muun, as the Sun is never out at night cause it runs away, But the moon comes out during the day just to show the Sun who's boss.

Now on top of this there is the original strongest Hat Troll ever known as Da' Muun. He eventually decided to go all the way up into the sky and stay on the giant rock up there. This is why we say “Hey look it's Da' Muun.” As he sits up on the giant rock up there. Now it is very important to remember Da' Muun is great and all Hat Trolls think he's a great guy overall. He is not however a God. Trolls have no Gods never have and never will.

Some Hat Trolls will eventually get tired and take a nap or zone out for awhile. Now due to their ultimately unlimited life span and some times slow thinking this “awhile” can be a few minutes to several dozen Decades. Trolls have an innate ability that is not widely understood to be not seen. This is not invisibility it is that for whatever reason people will simply not observe a Troll that has stopped moving for extended periods of time. So sometimes there will be a slight curve in a road for no apparent reason. This is due to a Hat Troll that is standing there. When the people built the road they unconsciously built it around the Hat Troll. Other times people will build a house and unwittingly build it around a Hat Troll. Several years later the Hat Troll will awaken or come too and start moving again resulting in the Hat Troll tearing it's way through a house of certainly surprised people.

I've never heard of Hat Trolls speaking for so long at once. I can only conclude that as Hat Trolls sometimes forget what they are doing a stand motionless for years at a time, this Hat Troll forgot what it was doing and simply continued speaking.

This phenomenon has not gone unnoticed by some of the other craft races. Goblins in particular are known for their “cities” which are more constantly shifting piles of trash crudly and haphazardly stacked together. If they are able to locate a Hat Troll they may ask him to hold up part of a roof for them, that they invariably stole from a neighbor. The Hat Troll having nothing better to do may do just that then zone out. Now one of two things will happen. The Goblin city being in a state of constant chaos will eventually move on and the Hat Troll no longer being needed will go on his way, or the Hat Troll may decide he is done holding up this roof and will leave. Causing the collapse of the house and those nearby/built on top of it.

Hat Trolls being undying do not have a proper understanding of theft, murder, or other such crimes. If a Hat Troll wants something from another Hat Troll he will simply attack him until that Hat Troll can not fight back and then take what he wanted. The other Hat Troll will eventually regenerate and if he remembers go out and try to take back what he wants. If he cares enough that is. This same logic is used with other races. If a Hat Troll wants something from some one else of a different race they will simply kill them and take it. Though it is not clear if the Hat Trolls fully understand that other people can die, and if they do understand they clearly do not care.

By this point the Troll was no longer focused on me, as I was very far down beneath the level of his gaze, but rather had been addressing the tree above me at eye-level for some time. As the conversation had turned to killing other races, I took this opportunity to le--- (The text ends in a bloody smear. The fate of the author can be easily surmised and suffice it to say that Hat Trolls are savage and dangerous creatures, best left alone).

KNOWN HAT TROLLS

Jesus
Juicer
Mango
Gretchen
Undarr
Atman
Danzig
Sqeege
Zurokk
Sare
Ox
Chimney
Vayn Sa!

See Also: Horde, Mountain Troll, Female Hat Trolls