Kalaylay the Sai

In the misty valley of Not Dragonball Z, a lone farmer was tending his champagne grapes when out of the sky fell an orb. The meteor like impact erased everything in its blast radius, the farmer watching in horror as his prized grape vine named Esmerelda (whom he had spent many passionate summer nights with and had two pregnancy scares) disintegrated before his very eyes. With hot tears of rage, he grasped his rustiest pitchfork and headed to the epicenter. Charred black earth as far as the eye could see (because he was near sighted and everything outside twenty feet was a blur, due to the bifocal not having been invented) He nervously scoped out the pulsating orb. It looked like the universe had a period and this was the egg its ovaries had evacuated, he thought, but he would never learn exactly how right he was. The from the orb the faint outline of a pod door hissed and whined as it struggled to open, and inside was no ordinary alien, but a thirteen year old girl, stark naked, brown and Asian, only there was a tail like appendage sprouting from the base of her spine. “Holy shitake mushrooms! It’s a Fremen!” He trembled in fear. The legends were true, this thing that was totally not DBZ or Superman whatever those were, stood before him. “He He, its funny because fremen rhymes with Sem-“ As a blast exploded him across the remainder of his grape fields. The young girl stood up, and grabbed a tissue, as she had taken her first life by sneezing. The girl had only one word in her memory, spoken in the back of her mind and across the universe “ Sai?” And she had a name.

9 years later…… Psy realized she had a stupid name, she changed it to Kalaylay. It seemed more fitting. Villagers had spread the word of this girl who had been corrupted by the way they feared her. Once a month she would lose all trace of sanity and fly into a blind rampage, her periodly monthly cataclysm. Leaving a bloody mess in wake every four weeks caused her to be lonely, until she met Tampa the X, who with many years of training honed her ovarian skills to be controlled, and even managed to secure equal payment in the workplace. Some say she even crossed paths with the legendary Captain Thi Kwineear and lived, their meeting shrouded in mystery. Kalaylay wandered still, growing stronger and more menstral by the day. At one point her life was altered forever when a sea troll named ZARZAR sought the bounty on her head, only for him to realize she just needed fellowship, so he offered her a chance at redemption in the Armored Penguins an elite mercenary band that welcomed all warriors. They showed her materials far more absorbent than cotton, and introduced to her the most important period of time in ourlives, when we have true friendship.