Water Elementals Hate Him, Trash Elementals Love Him, Learn His Secret Now!

Overview

The greatest worst smuggler in the Great Lakes and etc bodies of water. You’ll never find a better worst smuggler anywhere with a record voyage distance of 27.5 feet from port, an island of his own creation (of boats and other etc trash from his many misadventures), and peddler of strange curios. A Pimp Named Bohemian Slim (Boat Slayer, Priest Vanquisher) travels with his dawwwwg Coy Ote to exchange tales, beer, and camaraderie in the many lands that populate the realms.

History

The Boat Accidents 1-11

In a tragic boating accident (the first of many) A Pimp Named Bohemian Slim (not yet the boat slayer) lost all of his powder firearms except for his anti-kaiju rifle. The accident was caused by a rock that some idiot placed there (a buoy). The accident left him in need of a trusty seeing eye dog lovingly named Coy Ote.
On the second boat in this unfortunate series of maritime tragedies, A Pimp Named Bohemian Slim (not yet the boat slayer) lost all the ammunition for his anti-kaiju rifle.
…
The fourth tale of this seemingly endless string of mishaps begins with a family adventure of A Pimp Named Bohemian Slim (Boat Slayer) and Coy Ote (see boating accident 1) set off on a seafaring adventure until tragedy struck and the boat was capsized and sunk. A Pimp Named Bohemian Slim (Boat Slayer) lost both his rizz and Coy Ote in the accident.
Deciding to set off on a late night boating adventure in the middle of the day, A Pimp Named Bohemian Slim (Boat Slayer) ran into a group of Trash Elementals who have been a huge fan of his recent works and Water Elementals who have not been as pleased. They began a great battle at sea (the boat was sank in mere seconds roughly 20 odd feet from shore).
The grand maiden voyage of A Pimp Named Bohemian Slim’s (Boat Slayer) new solid gold vessel. After lowering the boat into the water and turned to check his supplies, oddly enough the boat just disappeared? Well nobody could possibly know where that went, moving on…
A vocation vacation gone wrong as A Pimp Named Bohemian Slim (Boat Slayer) recruited a Priest to bless boat 7 and its voyage so that it may finally reach a port side conclusion.
After the loss of the Priest and Boat 7, A Pimp Named Bohemian Slim (Boat Slayer, Priest Vanquisher) is on the run after being accused of insurance fraud and murder of a priest. Was apprehended after boat 8 was caught in a ravaging storm (light rain) filling the boat with water causing it to slowly sink as A Pimp Named Bohemian Slim (Boat Slayer, Priest Vanquisher) attempted to climb the sails and capsized the boat.
Lost the keys to this one after a night of too much grog, no idea where it ended up. A Pimp Named Bohemian Slim (Boat Slayer, Priest Vanquisher) claims those Elementals had something to do with it but no concrete proof was provided.
Was sank due to ramming into the previously lost 9th boat, good news is that A Pimp Named Bohemian Slim (Boat Slayer, Priest Vanquisher) ended up finding the keys, along with the other 8 boats that were sank, which just so happened to be neatly piled in a heap below the water. Keys to boat 9 were found in the remains of boat 7. The seeing eye dog Coy Ote was also found, a bit thirsty but he aight. In a bit of foreshadowing the anti-kaiju rifle lost in Boat 3 was found, and hooray it was still loaded!
You would think A Pimp Named Bohemian Slim (Boat Slayer, Priest Vanquisher) would take the hint and stop trying to set sail, but clearly his brain is as thick as the .950 cartridge in his rifle. The time under the sea caused a misfire and boat 11 was simply erased from existence, with this text being the only remaining memory of it. Managed to also lose Chekhov’s gun in the process.

Events Attended

War 2022, 2023
Olympics 2023, 2024
Oktfest 2023, 2024
Armageddon 2024

Quotes:

“the dawwwwwg” (in reference to Coy Ote)
“He a bit thirsty but he aight” (also in reference to Coy Ote)