Kobold

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(Prominent Kobolds)
(How the crud is Puck not on the list of prominent kobolds?)
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Revision as of 02:15, 21 November 2014

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Contents

The Truths

Ninety-five percent of all Kobolds live underground and will never be seen by the likes of you. Kobolds farm their own food, mine their own ore, and smelt their own metals. They create everything they need on their own.( They did after all invent EVERYTING.) Unlike other races who raid pinkies out of parasitic necessity, they do it out of pure spite. Spite is what makes a Kobold get up in the morning and lets them rest easy in the night. Droogs burn crops, not eat them. They burn whole forests down so elfies can't hide in them. They burn down anything that might benefit a pinky. They poison water that pinkies drink or even might drink. They will hide diseased garbage in big pinky cities and they will slaughter the livestock of pinkies and let it rot. They will steal the wealth of pinkies and claim it as their own. They wear it as trophies of grand deeds. This is why Kobolds are obsessed with shinies. To them, it is proof of a new deed or act. It is very important for a Droog member to be seen with lots of shinies on so other Kobolds know that he is important.

Appearance

Physical

Kobolds come in all sorts of colors. They are usually some shade of orange (like yellow orange, blue orange, brown orange, etc.), have a orange underside, or orange blobs. Color has nothing to do with class or genetics. It is pretty random. This is why they call themselves the "rainbow of spite".


Fashion

Kobolds in addition to wearing all sorts of shinies like to wear multicolored striped fabric of somewhat bright color. Again, the more fancy the fabric the more important the Kobold. There is a Kobold legend regarding an unnamed Kobold Hero who got caught in an elf trap and gnawed his own arm off. Kobold who wish to be seen as of high rank or of a pious nature will always wear garb that leaves the right sleeve bared to represent the rebounding nature of the Kobold.


Physiology

Most Kobolds are not strong. In fact they be very weak in body and have eyes that can't stand the light. However, all Kobolds have very very very strong minds and be very clever. Kobolds have only two organs: a massive brain and a massive stomach. They like to eat a lot and can digest anything. Their brains are huge to help them trick everyone.


Reproduction

Kobolds are born from eggs that are laid by a female in large clutches, and then sent to a special cavern that contains many many eggs and young Kobolds. Here they are born and raised by a rare female that isn't in government. They are then taught all sorts of things they like to know (such as how to invent everything.) When Kobolds die, the nutrients from the Kobold body will feed the spawn of the next kobold that will grow inside the body of the dead one, The new Kobold will shed the skin of the old one, and uses the armour,Clothes and weapons the old one had!

Religion

Kobolds by nature are atheists. Most of them believe that there was earth with everything on it. Then Kobolds came around, saw that it was awesome, and started making it more awesome by living there. Then "Gods" came and made other larger stronger but not as smart beings. With the advent of these new beings Kobolds were forced underground and after time grew sensitive to light. They are very very bitter about this. So they HATE elfies, humans, dwarves and all other pinkies. They have no record of other monsters driving them down so they have no beef with them. They invented the God Ugagagaba as part joke and part protection to fool other non Kobolds, though there be a few Kobolds who not get the joke and think he is real. These be Ugagagaba Fanatics. They keep them around and let them believe because it adds to the great confusion. This bitterness is the driving purpose of the Droog.


Droogs

Most Kobolds are weak and can’t stand the light. However, some Kobolds are very, very, very strong and wander all over the above ground lands in groups called Droogs. The purpose of a Droog is to burn down the lands of pinkies, get shinies, then collect poisons from plants and animals and ship these goods to the Moseewaa. The leader of a Droog is called The Droog Boss. Some Kobolds be so tough and big and smart that they don’t need other Kobolds in their Droog so they be by themselves. These are called Odroogs. The meanest, toughest, strongest and smartest Odroog is also Boss of all Droog Bosses. He is The Kdroog.(Silo is current KDroog.) Kobolds have a very complex and complicated system of government and organization that all non-Kobolds be waaaaay too non-Kobold(i.e. dumb) to understand

Females in Droogs

For a girl Kobold to be in a Droog she would need to be just as tough as a male Kobold in a Droog and also hate being boss of a government office. The fact is that girl Kobolds love telling everyone else what to do, so this is almost never the case.


Types of Droog Members

There are many different styles of Kobolds you’re going to find in a Droog, but two stand out.

Asheaters

Kobolds can and do eat EVERYTHING. In fact in some more rural towns deep deep down this has led to the belief that a Kobold can get stronger by eating certain things. and only those certain things This has led to the asheater Kobold. Asheaters are not only the fire experts that are in a Droog, but they also eat only the ash of their enemies. Enemies can usually be defined as the bodies, crops, livestock, buildings forests or basically anything associated with pinky. Eating only ash kind of makes Kobolds a little crazy. These Kobolds have a permanent grey blob around their mouth and on their hands. Their garb is of normal Kobold colors but has long since been singed all over and darkened grey from the ash.

Ugagagaba Fanatics

Like said above the Kobold God of awesomenss is something we made up to add to the greater confusion, there be some Kobolds who don’t get it. Sometimes these believers are Droog worthy. These Kobolds dress and look like normal Kobolds, but they will always be spouting off stuff about the great and one true god. It is very funny. They also always smite down their enemies in the name of Ugagagaba. It be very cool

Moseewaa

The great Kobold city of Moseewaa is where most Kobolds live. This is a large city deep deep deep underground. It is the size of a large city above ground and has about 3 million Kobolds living in it. The underdark is also scattered with much smaller settlements and mining facilities. Also there are small colonies above ground. These are stationary towns that are ether in shallow mining complexes in mountains, old ruins, or even in rare places total above ground houses that are deep deep in dark jungles and forest.

All wealth that is not claimed as a trophy by a Droog member is sent to Moseewaa as decorations for their important places so Kobolds can see publicly how important they are as a whole. These decorations will have the name of the Droog or Odroog that acquired the wealth. In this way, Droog gain admiration and fame from the Kobold public.

You can’t go to Moseewa either. Kobolds don’t like non-Kobolds, like you, there.

Government

Female Kobolds usually are in charge of various offices underground. There be no king or queen or anything like that. In fact underground there are just bosses of various departments and some bosses have power over other bosses while those have in turn have power over other bosses. It be a very great system of bureaucracy. The fact that females are usually in charge underground, combined with their rarity and their shared physical weakness with men Kobolds, means that the womens are almost never ever above ground in a Droog. That’s why yous never see them.


Prominent Kobolds

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